She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
