Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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