It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
