wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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