Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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