if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have post one night stand depression
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