Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
