So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
