you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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