I faked an abortion last night.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
