he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
