Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
