She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
