Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
