i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
