we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
