I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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