I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize