Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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