You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I wanna bring you to show and tell
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
