I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
