You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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