Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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