it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize