So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
