Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
