I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just invented taco cereal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
