don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cockslap morals
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
