i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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