end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
