I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
