Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
