the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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