Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
