We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
