Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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