Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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