I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
