I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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