Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize