That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
