Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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