Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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