i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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