cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
