And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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