great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he shaved USA in his pubs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
