i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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