During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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