these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
