its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
