im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
