Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I met the friendliest cop last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize