so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
