So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
