so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
