how can u be prego again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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