whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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