Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
