So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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