Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
