Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize