I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
