toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
