Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize