She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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