Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
