the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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