Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
