Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who died my cat blue again?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
