So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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