sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
