The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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