Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
