I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
