i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
