Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
