Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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