i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
