Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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