i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
