god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
