dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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