Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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