Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
