had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
