kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
