I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
