my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
