you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
