Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
