NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
