he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
