what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
