i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
