you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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