so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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