I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
