I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
