I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize