can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
