yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
