the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
