I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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