Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
