and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
