I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
