I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
