I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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